Infertility Amongst Pregnancy Announcements

We had a number of significant things happen this week. First and foremost, my super smart husband was admitted into the MS Computer Engineering program at ASU for Fall 2017! Arizona State University in Tempe has been his first choice for a while now and I knew that he would get in! He is a hard worker and I am proud of him! There is still so much that we have to plan, but we are really excited. It looks like we will be moving to Arizona around August!
In other news, I’ve lost count of the number of Valentine’s Day baby announcements and I feel an obligation to disclose that we are NOT pregnant. It is this social media surge that has inspired me to write about my experience with infertility amongst pregnancy announcements. I hope that by sharing my feelings candidly and honestly, my thoughts won’t be offensive.

I woke up on Tuesday morning and as per my usual bad habit, I looked at Facebook. I’d been so distracted with fertility tests that I barely had time to think about the holiday. As I opened my browser, I did not expect to see a flood of pregnancy announcements. But there they were.

Friends from the past; best friends; work friends–so many friends expecting babies! A huge part of my heart was overjoyed! But a teeny tiny part of my heart felt heavy. I pushed the hard feelings deep down and focused on all of my reasons to be happy. I have a valentine who brings me flowers and pizza rolls! My friends are announcing great news! Life is good! Like a mantra, I repeated these things to myself over and over. And yet before 8 AM, I broke down crying.
At work, I was relieved to spend the morning alone processing my thoughts. Every part of me knows that there is no use in comparing my life to someone else’s. But when it comes to babies, logic goes out the window and my emotions take over. Entitled thoughts came flying in, “Why does everyone else get a baby? No fair! When is it my turn?” I searched Instagram hashtags about infertility support; I continued to repeat my mantra; but I still felt like garbage and I didn’t know how to feel better.

Midday, the thought occurred to me: Forget yourself and serve someone else. My brother came to mind, my wonderful hilarious brother who lives just a few blocks away. I wanted to do something special to help him feel loved on a holiday that can be hard for some (myself included). I talked with my husband and we decided to “heart attack” my brother before he got home from work. That tiny part of my heart continued to ache, but it was overshadowed by my excitement to serve.
Most days, I remember that I have a valentine who loves me enough to bring me flowers and pizza rolls. But some days, I want to push pause on every other pregnancy announcement. Some days, all I want is to hold a baby who is our own. It is those days when I am feeling impatient and imperfect that I need to remember to forget myself and serve someone else.

What advice do you have for staying positive?

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