Skip to main content

The One with the Fertility Doctor

We made the decision to see a fertility doctor when we had been unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant for 10 months. From research, I knew that one year indicated an official “problem,” but it was my opinion that 300+ days of worry was long enough. Good friends of ours had gone to a reproductive center nearby and had good things to say about their experience. We wouldn’t be able to see their same doctor, but we were grateful to be pointed in the right direction for a clinic.

To say that I was nervous on the day of our appointment is an understatement. I was restless, shaky, and unable to focus at work. My main concern with seeing a doctor was the same concern I had with telling friends and family: I wanted to be taken seriously. My fear was that we would meet with a wise old man who would take one look at my babyface and decide I wasn’t ready to reproduce. Ultimately, my overwhelming desire for answers outweighed my anxiety.

On a Tuesday in October, I took a long lunch break and Jk drove with me across town to the infertility clinic. The office was big and beautiful and I felt my hope rising as we walked through the doors. This was it; we could potentially find out what the heck was wrong with my body! Or even better, what was wrong with Jk’s body! (I secretly hoped that the problem would be with him...It’s terrible, I know--but that’s why it was a secret hope.) I felt a mixture of nerves and anticipation up until the conversation with our doctor began. And then I felt sick.

For half an hour, we were told that our likelihood of conception was comparable to the rolling of dice: 1-in-6 chance each month. Apparently, we hadn’t rolled enough dice to be sure there was a problem. The explanation went on and on. The doctor listed off statistics about the improbability and irrelevance of endometriosis. I explained that my family had a history of endometriosis, and though he admitted the chances increased to 1-in-2, he quickly dismissed it and offered no consolation. I mentally checked out. It took everything inside me to keep from bursting into tears. We were told to “keep trying.”

To be clear--I understand that doctors use certain timelines to draw conclusions. We hadn’t waited a year. Fine. But I felt utterly humiliated. It was like hanging from a cliff by my fingertips and being told that no one could help me until I actually fell. As the doctor talked, all that ran through my mind was the thought, I am 25 years old and I know what genuine pain feels like. In thirty minutes, 300 days of heartache were dismissed.

We drove home from the appointment and I had absolutely no words. I was beyond disappointed, while Jk, the ultimate optimist, felt like we had come away with good information. To be fair, we were given some instructions we could follow while waiting for the year mark to hit (including ovulation tests). But ultimately, I felt like the appointment was a failure.

After just a few months, I am in a very different place than I was when I went to that appointment. At the time, I felt isolated and vulnerable. Opening up to that doctor felt like the most intimate thing in the world. Today, I feel supported and empowered. I am no longer frustrated with God or embarrassed by my infertility. This week, we will go back to that clinic for a second appointment with a different doctor. I have embraced our story and despite how hard it has been, I am so much stronger for it. I am capable because He has made me so.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippians 4:13


  1. AH I'm mad at that doctor for you �� good luck at your next appointment


  2. Hang in there - You two and God make a very powerful team!

  3. It's so frustrating when you're not taken seriously with such a roller-coaster trial. Peace and perspective is a god-sent. Hopefully they'll take you seriously this week dang it! It wasn't until the year mark for us that doctors even opened up options for us. It's hard. You're strong!

  4. I am so sorry for the hard times. I really cannot imagine what you are going through, but know we love your baby face (you are too funny) and we will keep you and Jordan in our prayers.
    One of our closest friends went through the same process as you are while we lived next door to each other. I wish we were next door to always give hugs when needed.
    Love you two.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting an Answer!

For 400+ days, my husband and I had no idea why we couldn’t get pregnant. This week, we got our answer!

We were scheduled for an appointment with the fertility doctor in the late afternoon on Monday. All throughout the morning, my chest was filled with excitement and anticipation. This was the appointment when we would hear the results from our tests and we would make a plan for how to move forward! In my mind, I ran through every possible outcome—a problem with me; with Jk; with both of us; with neither. More than anything, I just wanted clear answers!
The weather and roads were really bad that day, so our doctor was running a little late with his appointments. Jk and I sat in the waiting room for nearly 30 minutes, going half crazy. Finally, we were taken back to speak with the doctor. I tried to gauge what kind of news he had for us, but his handshake wasn’t giving anything away.  Finally (FINALLY!), we received our test results... It turns out that I’m a Fertile Myrtle! All this …

Expecting to Be Expecting

I’ve written and re-written this post so many times, I’m out of clever comparisons and easy ways to explain what we’re going through. So I’ll just say it.
In December 2015, Jk and I stopped taking birth control. After a year of expecting to be expecting, we’re not even close. We’ve confided in very few friends and family members up to this point, but lately I’ve realized that something therapeutic happens inside when you let a secret out.
While sitting in church on Sunday, I had a revelation. It should have occurred to me sooner but I definitely wasn’t ready for it. This is the thought I had… Make this process of starting a family as fun as possible! It won’t be the way I had previously imagined. Taking a pregnancy test, surprising Jk, finding out the gender, having a baby. But when have we ever been traditional?
For this reason, I’ve decided to share our journey openly and honestly. It will be hard—it already has been—but I want to document it all. Doctors’ appointments, medical tes…

A Surprise Call from the Fertility Doctor

Most days, I do okay. But some days I'm just over this infertility thing. For a few months now, we have shared our ups and downs and it wasn’t until recently that I ran out of words. Two weeks ago, we received a phone call and then a letter confirming that our insurance provider would not pay for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). I took the news, swallowed it, and let it break my heart. I get that we were put on this earth to grow and all, but lately my prayers have been a little like: Thanks but no thanks, Heavenly Father. I think I’m good on the growing thing.

Today He responded, Nope, and sent another bump in the road.

I was sitting at work when my cell phone started vibrating and my caller ID read, Reproductive Care Center. It’s been a few weeks since we talked with our fertility clinic; I just assumed that because our plan fell through, there was nothing else to follow-up on. Curious, I answered the phone and expected to hear the voice of a nurse or receptionist. Instead, I sp…