Coming out of the Infertility Closet
You might not know it from my recent blog posts, but I have a natural tendency to keep personal things private. For example, when I quit my job last summer, I asked my husband not to tell anyone until I found a new job and was ready to share. I expect to go through things alone and tell the story afterwards. Jk, on the other hand, is an open book. He’ll talk to anyone about anything and leave nothing to the imagination. It’s very natural for him to be genuine and open with people.
When I first talked to Jk about sharing our infertility journey through a blog, he was so supportive of the idea. In fact, every time I went back and forth about the idea, Jk was there to encourage me to write. He told me, “We are meant to be a community and you help others as they help you.” When I finally published my first post, I was surprised to find that Jk shared it on his social media page. He came home from class and told me that he had even talked to his friends about what we were going through. It was then that I realized not only had I kept my own secret, but I had forced my husband to carry the burden of keeping quiet.
In the few short weeks that have passed since we first opened up to friends, family, and the internet, I have found that Jk and I have grown closer. I can’t say what the difference has been for him, but personally, I have felt more confident, which has made me happier. I was hiding a major part of myself, burying my anxieties and pretending they didn’t exist. It was destructive to my well-being in every single way, including my relationship with my husband. Not only has this process of openly talking about infertility been cathartic for me, but it has been essential for our marriage.
“Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.” - Matthew 5:15
We cannot go back to the days of hiding our light under a bushel. I received a comment from a stranger on one of my posts saying, “Isn’t this a very personal subject to post on [social media]?” Yes, I am sharing intimate and personal details, but I don’t expect everyone to do the same. I don’t think that all couples should publicly share their infertility journey, or any other difficult struggles for that matter. Infertility can be a dark and lonely road; but for us, it has gotten brighter as we have involved friends and family members. Other couples can find relief in completely different ways. We can only share our experience.
Additionally, sharing our experiences with infertility does not mean that we will share all other details from our lives… I’m still an introvert. Enough said.
I have felt a flood of relief wash over me these past few weeks. To anyone going through a hard time, I encourage you to find a friend to open up to. Despite what you are struggling with, do not hide it under a bushel. For my husband and me, coming out of the infertility closet was terrifying, but totally worth it.
In the few short weeks that have passed since we first opened up to friends, family, and the internet, I have found that Jk and I have grown closer. I can’t say what the difference has been for him, but personally, I have felt more confident, which has made me happier. I was hiding a major part of myself, burying my anxieties and pretending they didn’t exist. It was destructive to my well-being in every single way, including my relationship with my husband. Not only has this process of openly talking about infertility been cathartic for me, but it has been essential for our marriage.
“Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.” - Matthew 5:15
We cannot go back to the days of hiding our light under a bushel. I received a comment from a stranger on one of my posts saying, “Isn’t this a very personal subject to post on [social media]?” Yes, I am sharing intimate and personal details, but I don’t expect everyone to do the same. I don’t think that all couples should publicly share their infertility journey, or any other difficult struggles for that matter. Infertility can be a dark and lonely road; but for us, it has gotten brighter as we have involved friends and family members. Other couples can find relief in completely different ways. We can only share our experience.
Additionally, sharing our experiences with infertility does not mean that we will share all other details from our lives… I’m still an introvert. Enough said.
I have felt a flood of relief wash over me these past few weeks. To anyone going through a hard time, I encourage you to find a friend to open up to. Despite what you are struggling with, do not hide it under a bushel. For my husband and me, coming out of the infertility closet was terrifying, but totally worth it.
I love your open and honest blog. You share what some people wish they could put into words. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteI know it's weird I haven't really talked to you since high school... but your blog does pop up and I read it. I want to say thank you so much. It is something personal but everyone only shows how easy it is to have a baby. No one talks about that it's hard. We have been "trying" for almost 2 years. It's so hard to explain to people what it feels like especially seeing pregnancy after pregnancy on social media. I too am more inspired to go to the doctor (I'm too afraid of what I'm going to hear). So thank you I know it's cheesy but your stories are appreciated!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comment. I'd encourage you to talk to a doctor, at least once. I feel much more purpose in searching for an answer than just wondering what's going wrong. Best of luck on your journey!
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