Infertility Is a Difficult Road to Travel
The thing about infertility is that some days, you’ve come to terms with what’s happening in your life. A friend might ask what progress you’ve made and you have no qualms about reporting that nothing’s changed, but you’re excited to see what comes next. On those days you feel optimistic, goal-oriented, & hopeful for the future. And other days—well, other days you find yourself flooded with unexplained sadness, doubt, & fear at the road you have to travel.
Today, I woke up feeling fine, but mid-shower, a monster of grief overcame me and suddenly I was bawling in bed. Today, I don’t want anyone to ask what progress I’ve made because no amount of progress feels good enough. All I can think about are the years that have passed and the struggles I’ve still got to face.
There are so many possibilities in the infertility journey to have a baby and it is so so difficult to know if we’re taking the right road. No matter what choice we’ve made, it seems there is always someone there to ask why we aren’t pursuing another route. IUI, IVF, adoption, foster-to-adopt, the list goes on and on. I cannot count how many times I’ve been asked why we are adopting instead of X, Y, Z. It might surprise you to know that no route is less difficult than another.
I recently met some friends who are also struggling with infertility. They are going through their third round of IUI this week and I am praying all goes well! As they explained their situation to me, the wife said she was excited but didn’t want to get her hopes up because she’s been let down before. I’m overwhelmed at the strength it takes to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and put them back together time and time again.
This is our journey as a couple. I’m aching and I’m struggling. I have FOMO (“fear of missing out”) every other day, wondering if some other road would bring faster, better, easier results. I carry grief inside that I try to control but the truth is, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I don’t know when or how Heavenly Father will help us find our baby, but I’m doing all I can to have faith. When we hit potholes, road blocks, & dead ends, I’m doing my best to overcome those obstacles. I’m trusting that if I give it everything I have, it will work out how it’s supposed to.