While Being in Love

The thing about infertility is that some days, you’ve come to terms with what’s happening in your life. A friend might ask what progress you’ve made and you have no qualms about reporting that nothing’s changed, but you’re excited to see what comes next. On those days you feel optimistic, goal-oriented, & hopeful for the future. And other days—well, other days you find yourself flooded with unexplained sadness, doubt, & fear at the road you have to travel. Today, I woke up feeling fine, but mid-shower, a monster of grief overcame me and suddenly I was bawling in bed. Today, I don’t want anyone to ask what progress I’ve made because no amount of progress feels good enough. All I can think about are the years that have passed and the struggles I’ve still got to face. There are so many possibilities in the infertility journey to have a baby and it is so so difficult to know if we’re taking the right road. No matter what choice we’ve made, it seems there is always someone the...

This morning I was reading an entry in my journal from November 2016. This time last year, we had no idea why we weren’t able to get pregnant. We had seen a fertility doctor and they said that it was too soon for us to start worrying. I wrote in my journal, “Heavenly Father must have a plan for us, even if that includes adoption rather than pregnancy. We will have a family.” Fast forward one year, it is everything we want to adopt a baby into our lives. I’ve been thinking a lot about the future of our family lately. When will someone contact us about a child & who will that person be? How many “potential” situations will we have before it’s the real thing? I’m excited, I’m nervous, and I’m every feeling in between. Making the decision to adopt is almost like saying, I’m ready to be a parent . For anyone who currently is a parent, you probably know that’s a bold statement. But one thing I want to remember about this stage before parenthood is that I’ve always known that Jk will be a...